


You Stain My Heart

by sunshineoftheshadows



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad lance, Sadness, Suicide, Suicide Notes, sad keith, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 00:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15400833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineoftheshadows/pseuds/sunshineoftheshadows
Summary: Keith was lateLance was madKeith had leftLance is sad





	You Stain My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Imma loser I cried while writing this.  
> TRIGGER WARNING. READ THE TAGS BEFORE YOU READ. DONT READ IF YOU GET TRIGGERED

“Hey Keith,

I thought I should give you a little update on what’s been going on lately. Really, it’s nothing much, just some more stupid antics. I guess you shouldn’t really expect anything more from me. 

It’s been a couple weeks since I last talked to you. Honestly it feels like so much longer. Especially with how I haven’t gotten to see you. Two years in October. That’s just three months away. God, it’s been so long. I miss you so much. 

Anyway, it’s just been the usual. Pidge and Hunk off at their tech college, Shiro and Adam living their newlywed life. I think their honeymoon was nice, but they haven’t gone into too much detail. I wish you could’ve seen their wedding. Allura and Lotor off doing their business work- if that’s what you want to call their romantic get away... Let’s see.... Oh! Coran has got his bar opened. I haven’t been yet, but from what I’ve heard it gets pretty wild in there. I still haven’t been able to go back to Cuba, I feel like the ticket prices raise everyday. I’ve been a bit lonely. 

The group did go out a couple days after the last time I talked to you. It didn’t go well. We went clubbing and I had too much to drink and I think it took Shiro, Hunk and Allura to carry me out of there, but I guess I fought like a bitch. 

I accidentally burnt myself making dinner. Then I did it again but on purpose... you’re my impulse control I guess, but you weren’t there to tell me not to. I keep doing things like that- accidentally getting hurt but then doing it again on purpose. I’ve been a bit reckless. 

The more time I’m not with you the worse it gets. I can’t wait to see you again... to hear your voice. How long will that be again? Maybe not long with how everything seems to be going right now. 

You’re lucky you aren’t under the reign of our president. My lord I think I’ve ranted to you before but honestly, I could rant for hours! I’ll save that for another time because I really don’t want to get into that right now. 

It’s still summer here. Been about 100 degrees. It always reminds me how much you hate hot weather. You always said it makes you melt. You’re favorite season is autumn, because it’s just right, in between like spring but a little cooler. And your birthday is in autumn but that’s not a big deal to you. I love when it’s your birthday. I miss celebrating it with you and throwing you a giant party with all of our friends there. I miss kissing you senseless and holding you tight. I miss you Keith. I wish you could somehow call me, tell me how it is where you are. I wish I could see your face other than pictures. I wish I could talk to you person to person because the the last thing you heard my voice say was me screaming at you, and now I can’t even remember what we were fighting about. I wished I’d grabbed you before you’d run out like that. I wish I could hear your voice. I wish you’d respond... 

Wow.. I’m sorry. That got depressing. But when isn’t it lately. I’m so sorry. About everything. What I said and what I did. You know I love you right? Keith, it was one fight, I still love you and I can’t seem to move on... I haven’t tried too much I suppose. 

It was one fight. I didn’t know it would end like this, with you running out and me never hearing your voice again. Was there signs that something between us was wrong? Was I too selfish to see them or is that it.. I’m just.. too selfish? 

Did you know I was planning on proposing? Yeah, I’d had this whole date night planned out and I think that’s why we were fighting. Because you’d gotten home late. I’m not mad about that anymore. I’m really not, I wish I’d never gotten mad in the first place and I wouldn’t be having this conversation. After you stormed out I threw the ring without seeing where it went. I couldn’t find it until last night... so I guess that’s why I’m talking to you now. To give it to you? I’m sure you would’ve said yes before the fight so I hope you accept it now. I love you. I’ll never stop telling you that. I really want you to know just how much I love you and how I’ll always love you. 

You may find this stupid- you always have called me a cheesy sap- but I got your name and birthday tattooed on my wrist. And your favorite quote, ‘The tears stain my cheeks but you’ll always stain my heart’. It was the last thing you’d written to me. I have another place on my rib cage and it says ‘I’ll love you for infinity, Keith’ with a few hearts. Remember that was our song! I got them all in your favorite color too, I hope that if you ever see them that you like them. I like to look at them everyday and think about us and what we were. Our friends say that that’s not good, not healthy. That they wish they could see you too but I need to move on. But they don’t understand Keith. They don’t understand the pain. It was my fault you left. I caused this Keith! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I can’t seem to delete any of our photos or turn over the picture frame, I can’t get rid of your clothes but they lost your scent- when I realized that I didn’t get out of bed for a week- I can’t get rid of your dumb toys I make fun of you for, and I still have your pillow. It also lost your scent but I know it’s yours so I still like to wrap around it at night. Keith, I love you so so much and I miss you with my entire being. Please, I want to see your face again.”

Lance is barely containing his sobs anymore- but he’s been crying the whole time, he always crying it seems- he clutches Keith’s headstone in his hand. The dates on it read: 

October 23, 1993 — October 21, 2016

 

Keith was 23 years old when he gave his final breath, only two days before he turned 24. Only two hours before he could’ve been engaged. Only two seconds for Lance to hear those words before his life crumpled. 

He blamed himself at first- he still often will, but people say it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t have known. But he should’ve known! He was going to propose to Keith and couldn’t see the signs! He should’ve been there for him and he hates himself for not being there. For not chasing Keith, or talking to him. For making Keith feel unloved in his times of despair. 

Keith had come home late on their date night. All he wanted was a beer and then to sleep. Lance had got mad. Lance had yelled. Lance had pushed. Keith had ran. 

Keith came home late because he didn’t want Lance to see him cry. He wanted to sleep so he wouldn’t feel anything anymore. He wouldn’t to cuddle with his boyfriend so he could feel warm again. He wanted to postpone their date. 

When Keith left Lance was too angry to follow. He thought Keith would come back later and they could talk it out. But Keith wasn’t home by 12 A. M.

Or 3 A. M. 

Or 5 A. M. 

Keith was found at 6:30 A. M. 

Lance was called at 7 A. M. 

Lance was ruined at 7 A. M. He still hasn’t recovered.

Keith never came home. 

Lance didn’t see the signs. Keith was depressed. He’d had a bad past when it came to being depressed, he had some suicidal tendencies. Lance knew that. Lance should’ve seen the signs. 

 

Keith left with his heart heavier than before, feeling unloved, unwanted and broken. His last light had just turned around and burnt him, causing him to stumble over the edge. 

Keith left with no keys, no money, only his I. D. and phone that is always in his pocket. He couldn’t bring himself to call Lance, so on his walk away from it all he stopped at a gas station and requested pencil and paper. He wrote to Lance. He wrote everything on his mind which included: 

‘Dear Lance, 

I probably won’t ever see you again- if I do would you even care?- but I just wanted you to know that I can’t anymore. I’ve been trying so hard, for so long and I can’t. I love you. I’m sorry I was late. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me so torn apart. I just wanted to be numb and to sleep and to cuddle with you. You’ve always kept me warm. I’m sorry. I was selfish and I ruined it for you. I ruined everything. Everyone has their own lives and I’m sure you were starting to get sick of me anyway. Everybody does. That’s fine. Well it isn’t really. That’s why I’m here now. Writing to you as I’m currently standing over that’s not important, where I am. I was in o much pain, Lance. I couldn’t hold on much longer. And then I fell over. I hit my breaking point. I fell off the edge. I’ll see you again. Maybe. If you want to see me I guess. But I’m sure you won’t so yeah. I don’t really know what to say from here.... I do have one thing to tell you. ‘The tears stain my cheeks, but you’ll always stain my heart.’ 

I’ll love you for infinity, Lance

 

Love, Keith”

They found them at letter in Keith’s jacket pocket and Lance still has it. He can’t make himself throw it away. He can’t make himself stop reading it, hearing it in Keith’s voice. What if he forgot Keith’s voice? What if he forgot his face? That can’t happen. He can’t leave Keith. Not again. 

He sets the ring and the letter he’d written- he always reads what he wrote out loud- on Keith’s grave. He turns around to say one more thing before he leaves. 

“I wish I saw Keith. I wish I didn’t say what I did. I wish I could see your beautiful face next to me. Hear your beautiful voice I’m my ears. Feel your body right pressed up agains mine Keith. I need you. I need you so bad Keith, it’s so hard to try to live without you. I can’t wait to see you again Keith. I love you. I love you so much. I miss you so much Keith. 

I’ll love you for infinity. 

Goodbye”

 

With that Lance turns and walks away, tears staining his face, but Keith staining his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Are you all ok? Was it not angsty enough?


End file.
